Happy Thoughts of the Season

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for a socially responsible, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all, together with a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2005, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Britain great, (not to imply that Britain is necessarily greater than any other country), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee. By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms.

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.

This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

You have to love a U turn

More on the NHS database story - following on from the lovely letter that the DoH sent out saying "No you cannot keep your private records off our shiny new database" it seems that they have performed a lovely U Turn.

The government has bowed to privacy concerns about a new NHS computer system and conceded that patients should be allowed a veto on information about their medical history being passed from their GP to a national database

Reflection

Reflection
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

Christmas has snuck up on me, and it really felt like Christmas was near today as the Sally Army band were out playing carols.

I was pleased with this picture as I managed to get the reflection of the people who had stopped to listen.

The Nut Thief

The Nut Thief
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

The squirrel has a new role this year and that is to drive the dog insane.

The little flea carrier runs backwards and forwards along the fence, while the dog on the other side of the french windows goes mad. I swear the little nut stealer would stick two fingers up at the dog if he could.

The Big Opt Out

I would encourage everybody to visit this site

In case you missed what it is all about from my previous rants on the subject please read these articles. One Two Three

Jolly Green Rower

Jolly Green Rower
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

Taken at Ditton Fields on November 19th, I think this was the Emma Sprints.

And the award for best new word of the year goes to........

Has to be Anna from Little Red Boat for the word 'Ladytensions' as in "I am sorry I have just stabbed you with my pencil, I am having a spot of the Ladytensions"

Genius.

We are already at the gates of the surveillance society

Following on from yesterdays post there is a really interesting piece in today's Guardian regarding the state that we know find ourselves in. Hopefully the more people who become aware of the consequences of what is going on, the more chance there may be to force a rethink.

The piece by Henry Porter begins:

Up until now the best ally of governments and big corporations who wish to place every individual under total and unwavering surveillance has always been ignorance. People have simply failed to grasp the threat posed by individual surveillance systems and the way a range of technologies can reach out to each other almost of their own accord to create new pathways of exchange.

But with the publication of three important reports this week - one in this newspaper about the NHS database - there can be no excuse for saying "I have done nothing wrong so I have nothing to fear". Surveillance and its potential for diminishing the human experience and robbing individuals of political power is one of the most pressing issues of our time. We stand on the boundary between two societies - one where freedom and privacy are the norm; the other in which our movements, habits and transactions are monitored for signs of aberrant behaviour. Let there be no misunderstanding: the surveillance society is one that necessarily reduces us all from citizens to subjects.

Read the full article here

Am I living in a Police State?

What is going on?

First we have the mess that is the ID cards.

Then yesterday there was a piece in the Guardian about the new database that all medical records will be uploaded to - without your consent. Then it seems that anyone who wants to will be able to see all of your confidential medical information. "Don't worry it's NATIONAL SECURITY"

Then today there is the news that the UK has "sleep walked into a surveillance society". There are now appartently 4.2m CCTV cameras in Britain - about one for every 14 people.

How soon is it before - 'for our own good, NATIONAL SECURITY and all that' - we have DNA taken at birth and a microchip inplanted so we can be monitored at all times.

When did I move to a country where it is assumed that everyone is a potential criminal? From the sound of it there must be dictatorships out there looking to the UK as a map of where to go. How did this happen? Were we just too polite to make a fuss?

Mini Moo Magnets

Mini Moo Magnets
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

This is how you spend a Saturday evening - sitting in front of the TV watching Strictly Come Dancing and making fridge magnets from your Moo Cards.

Who says I should get a life???!!!!!

Thanks goes to Meg Pickard for the idea.

Nobody wants a D in Cambridge!!!

Nobody wants a D in Cambridge!!!
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

I saw this sign when wandering about this morning, it made me smile (and dig my camera out of my bag).

Autumn has arrived in style

Autumn has arrived in style
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

Autumn is finally starting to arrive, a little late but summer was clinging on a bit this year.

A letter from the tax office

This was emailed to me today, and having worked in the public sector for way too many years, it made me laugh out loud.

I wish that I had the skills to write such a letter.

Dear Mr Addison,

I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order.

Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we, at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such documents.

Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little ill advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker-blighted toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little wide of the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "Junkets for Bunterish lickspitties" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking facade of a university system."

A couple of technical points arising from the direct queries:

1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system;

2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrows of those with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India" you would still owe us the money. Please send it to us by Friday.

Your Sincerely,


H J Lee

Customer Relations

Moo Cards

Yay moo cards
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

I have just received my order of mini moo cards, which are cards, smaller than a business card onto which you have your photos which you have uploaded to Flickr and on the back have printed what ever you choose.

I LOVE them, so much in fact I had to order myself another 100 while they still had the free P&P offer.

The only problem that I have is that the company are based in the UK but they price in US$, though saying that the exchange rate is really good at the moment so I am getting a good deal.

Seasons Change

Seasons Change
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

Even though the weather has been very odd, autumn is finally arriving in Cambridge.

I love it when you can go for a walk across one of the commons and cruch your way through the leaves.

Soon it will be Bonfire Night and then Christmas is just around the corner. Shame that due to the huge TV I bought for myself today I will not be able to afford to buy anyone any presents!

Really Good Book

I have just finished reading this book and I have to say it is fantastic.

It is a collection from the Random Acts of Reality Blog and in parts is laugh out loud funny and in others it is quite sad.

I am amazed at the stupid reasons that people call out an ambulance, I have had to call an ambulance twice, once for a guy who had been hit round the head with a metal pole right outside my house and the second time when little sis had a huge asthema attack and could hardly breath. I found it nerve racking - what if it wasn't serious enough? Did I really need to dial 999????? And then you see things about people calling 999 to have a light blub changed!!!!

I would recommend this book to anyone.

Funny

This is one of the funniest things I have seen in a long time. Enjoy.

Bit of a rant!!!

I get the sneaking suspicion that I am, at the age of just 36, turning into a grumpy old woman!

My pet peeve at the moment is people on their mobile phones while driving a car. How difficult is the legislation to understand? I thought it was pretty easy. You cannot hold a mobile phone in your hand while driving a car, you cannot talk into your mobile phone if you are holding it in your hand, and you sure as heck cannot be sending a text if you are behind the wheel of a moving car. Apparently, this is very tricky and difficult to understand especially it seems in Cambridge.

I make a point now on my drive to work and back to count the number of people that I pass on the phone, in the last 6 months or so I have never had a journey where the score was zero. The average seems to be 3 or 4.

I have a solution. The Police could (and I know this is a wild and crazy idea) enforce the law, there should be the introduction of fixed, instant fines which the money could go to the local police force, which in turn would provide more incentive to enforce the law - more money = more coppers.

That way the dozy woman who was driving her fancy car up the arse of mine on the way home while trying to dial a number on her mobile,or possibly sending a text (couldn't tell as I was more concerned if she was going to brake in time to avoid hitting me) tonight might learn her lesson and never follow behind me again.

Rant over ................................well on this subject anywa. Don't get me started on the Newmarket Road bus lanes.

Girlie Wisdom

Another email that I was sent that made me giggle, so I thought it was only fair to share.


Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.

One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5lbs.

My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knickers.

Every 7 minutes of everyday, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like..."You know, sometimes I forget to eat!" .....Now... I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys. But I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... She has 14 kids but doesn't really care.

My body is not all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said "Body, how would you like to go to the six o'clock class of vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said "Listen witch.....do it and die."

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much; impulse buying and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!

Read the Label

I have just had this emailed to me and it made me smile.

It is alledgedly a label from a laptop bag that is made by a small American company for overseas customers.

The translation from French reads:

Wash with warm water.
Use mild soap.
Dry flat.
Do not use bleach.
Do not machine dry.
Do not iron.
We are sorry that our President is an idiot.
We did not vote for him.

Walking the Hound

Walking the Hound
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

Little Sis and her dog have moved in with us, which means I am getting to have a walk every evening with the hound.

The hound sadly is very nervous, she is afraid of - other dogs - other people especially men - cows - busses - lorries - plastic bags and is not too keen on bicycles, which makes walking her in Cambridge interesting.

Still we persevere and one day she may even be able to come off her lead when we are out!!!!!!

"It was the best toilet experience of my life"

Any article that starts with this line you know is going to be good and there was a fantastic piece in G2 today which I would recommend anyone to read. It made me laugh out loud.

Find it at The Guardian

Boat in the sky?????

Boat in the sky?????
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

We did another history walk around Cambridge on Sunday night. The walk was excellent, we covered the area around Newmarket Road and Stourbridge Common.

There was a great reflection of the clouds in the river which I thought was really cool.

Boom Boom

Three men wanted to join a demolition company, so they all sent there CV’s to the MD and asked if they could have a job.

The MD said "prove you can blow up a building and tell me how many letters there are in the alphabet, then you can have a job."

So the first man went and blew up a building and said "Sir there are 26 letters in the alphabet." And so the MD gave him a job.

The second man went and blew up a building and said "Sir there are 26 letters in the alphabet." And so he joined the company too.

The third man went and blew up a building and said "Sir there are 24 letters in the alphabet."

The MD said "Why is that?" And the man said "Because I just blew up B&Q."

The old ones are the best......

A Reporter went for a job. The interviewer said to him, "We will have to give you a small test as an applicant we have recently interviewed didn't have a good command of the English language.

Can you give me a sentence using the word 'great'?

The Reporter replied, "I've got a donkey jacket & I think it's great."

The interviewer said, "That's pretty good. Now give me a sentence using the words 'great' and 'fascinate'."

To which the Reporter replied, "I've got a donkey jacket and I think it's great, it has nine buttons, but I can only fascinate."

Unnatural Laws

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)

Bath Theorem:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Theatre Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location:
No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

10 Ways to Terrorise a Telemarketer

You know those "telemarketing" people who "cold call" you? Here are 10 ways to get rid of them fast...

1. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."

2 If they say they're Jim Smith from XYZ Ltd, ask them to spell their name, then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

3. Cry out in surprise, "Sinead! Is that you? Oh my God! Sinead, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Sinead a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.

4. If XYZ calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Circle plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"

5. If they want to loan you money, tell them your company just went bankrupt and you could sure use some money.

6. Tell the telemarketer you are under "house arrest" and ask if they could bring you a sixpack of beer and some crisps.

7. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

8. Tell the telemarketer you are far busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"

9. Insist that the caller is really your mate Jimmy, playing a joke. "Come on Jimmy, cut it out! Seriously, Jimmy, how's your mum?"

And first and foremost:

10 Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.

Last Horrah of the Holiday

Fly past
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

Went to the Duxford Flying Proms last night, I would recommend it to anyone it is a great day out.

British weather being what it is, we had a heat wave and no rain for weeks, I go to an outdoor concert in the middle of an airfield, so no cover any where, it pours down just before the concert starts, stops for the concert and the second the last firework is fired into the air, the heavens open and we all get soaked to the skin. As we drive away it appears that the rain is fairly localised - right above the airfield!!!!! When we got home it did not appear to have rained at all. Sods law eh????????

Anyway back to work on Monday, still only about 6 weeks and I get another week off. =:-)

Holiday

Boscastle #7
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

Well the holiday is over for another year and it is back to real life. The holiday was fantastic (side trips to Bristol excluded) the weather was brilliant. I took way too many photos and it is going to take me days to go through them and do a purge on all the not so good shots.

Thanks to all I stayed with I had a great time.

That'll teach me!!!

So much for my plan to fly to Cornwall as it would be so much quicker!!!!! Due to fog at Newquay Airport we diverted, to BRISTOL!!!!! Then, thanks to the fantastic people I met at the airport who so kindly gave me a lift back to Redruth, which is about a 4 hour drive I finally arrived at my destination at 4.40 AM (the plane was supposed to land at Newquay at 2100). God knows what time I would have got here waiting for the coaches that Ryan Air were trying to get, I would probably still be on my way.

I think that it was cosmic revenge for my environmentaly unfriendly method of travel. Still I have learnt that there are some fantastic people who are willing to help a complete stranger out, so thanks again.

Holiday

New Haircut!!!
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

Well the hair has been done, the roots are a thing of the past and I am offically on holiday, yipee!!!!

I fly down to Cornwall tonight. I was going to try and have an ecologically sound journey, however.......... the train would have cost approx £150 return and taken approx 7 hours, the car, well probably around £90 for petrol and about 7-8 hours driving. The plane...... £40..... return both flights were 99p plus taxes and I will be door to door in about 4 and a half hours.

So sorry world, my "carbon footprint" will be a little bigger this month, make the other environmently friendly travel options more friendly to my wallet and I would be glad to help.

7/7

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!

You can tell its a heatwave when...

This piece in the Guardian today made me laugh out loud. Enjoy.

You can tell it's a heatwave when ...

Lucy Mangan
Tuesday July 4, 2006
The Guardian

1 Hitherto unsuspected tattoos are on display, often requiring wholesale mental readjustment in social perceptions. It is frequently these, rather than the heat, that are making you dizzy.

2 You are unable to face drinking tea or coffee and spend much of your day trying to work out how to caffeinate the water cooler.

3 If you live in the city, the air is visible and has to be cut into manageable chunks before it can be inhaled. If you live in the country, your smug air is visible and you are in danger of being cut into manageable chunks by desperate urban refugees.

4 You come to believe that deodorant is God's own stickful of petrochemical derivatives.

5 The cat is scratching the words "Shave me, shave me" on every available surface. The dog is writing letters of complaint to the design committee that dictated that panting rather than, say, unzippable pelts should be the main method of canine temperature regulation.

6 Sex seems like the worst idea anyone has ever had, ever.

7 A visit to the shops makes you deeply aware of how very far we still are as a nation from embracing the pedicure as a standard component of personal grooming.

8 The bikini is suddenly acceptable office lunch-hour wear, though disconcerting when still worn with tights in order to faciliate the quick change back at two o'clock.

9 Entering the sauna/going on the sunbed gives you goosepimples.

10 The human body finds new and interesting ways to let you down, notably in the way of inner-thigh chafing among women and scrotal sweating among all the others.

11 People rush to book holidays somewhere even hotter.

12 Foreigners walk around in thick coats and long trousers insisting that if this happened at home they would still be huddling round log fires.

13 You suddenly have veins like jungle vines and, if you listen very closely, can hear blood vessels popping under the most minimal physical exertion.

14 You sleep naked and spreadeagled, like a pornographic starfish.

15 You elbow old ladies in the face to get the last electric fan in Comet.

I'm a Dog!!

I found out the other day that under the Chinese Horoscope I am a dog, in fact I am a metal dog.

Normally I don't take much notice of horoscopes, the ones I have read for Pisces seem to be all things to all people, however some of the description that I found for the dog sounds about right.

Personality Traits:

People born under the year of the Dog tend to be very well liked as it is one of the most popular of all of the animals.

Dog people are: truthful, clever, with a strong sense of fairness and devotion. They never shirk their duties, they always do their fair share of things and will always "listen to reason".

They would never ignore a distress call, often putting the well-being of others before their own and they never abandon people. Other traits include: open-mindedness, never envious, non money-minded and very adept at seeing straight through others.

However should you try to snoop into their affairs they can become secretive and also give a cold shoulder to those who they don't really like.

They are also: intrepid, practical and "have great insight into human nature". They can be belligerent, gloomy, be anxious for no apparent reason and they absolutely detest pretence.

Inevitabilities are never put on hold, neither is giving a clear-cut answer to something. Above all they are never sly, underhand or crafty.

Metal Dogs are generous, judicious, rigid, motivated by devotion and gracious.

Wikipedia says:

The Dog is the most likeable sign of the Chinese zodiac. Like his animal namesake, he is loyal with a capital "L".

He is the one who people are most likely to turn to when they need help. The dog person will come through every time. That is because he/she is sensitive to others and empathizes with them, particularly if someone has suffered an injustice; he/she reacts quickly with the same feeling as though he/she had been personally offended.

Friends know that they can rely upon their Dog friend to keep a promise or remain cool in a crisis.

Dog types are honest, intelligent and straightforward. They will take on any responsibility that is given to them and you can be sure that they will do their job well.

People born in this year tend to be easily upset and shocked more often than the other more signs.

The dog is loyal yet selfish. Beware of the dragon. Dogs are friends with horses.


Apparently people who are Metal Dogs are more likely to suffer from stress, though some how I don' think that my doctor will think much of that explanation, the next time I get so stressed out, it turns to serious depression again and I end up back on the anti depressents :0)

Feeling HOT HOT HOT!!!!

Feeling HOT HOT HOT!!!!
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

We in the lower part of the UK are in the middle of a bit of a heatwave at the moment. This pictute taken yesterday shows the temp in the back garden at quarter past four in the afternoon, it was very very hot.

There has been a heat wave alert issued, though what that is supposed to do I am not sure, maybe the government issue it just to let us know it is hot, as they seem to think we are all very stupid and need to be told these things!!

Situational Awareness

Scenario:

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.

On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.

Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?













Answer:

Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're pissed.

IN GERR LAND

IN GERR LAND
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

St George Cross flags are everywhere at the moment, which still seems a little odd to me as it was not something you ever saw. If there was a flag to be flown when I was young (oh God how old do I sound there??) it was always the Union Flag, no matter if the event was something that affected the whole of the UK, like the jubulie or if it was England playing somewhere.

In the last couple of years though the England flag seems to take priority over the Union Flag. It seems odd to me as I can remember when the St George Cross flag was always associated with racist fuckwits ranting on about how England was for the white and foreigners should go home. Then when they had finished would drag there knuckles to the nearest curry house and not see the irony.

There was an interesting piece in the Guardian today which is worth a read, though I would have to disagree with the statement that " being "English" is frequently a synonym for being white native-born English" I would like to think ( and maybe I am being hopelessly optamistic) that this is not the case.

ZEN WISDOM

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

5. No one is listening until you fart.

6. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

8. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

9. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

10. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

12. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was worth it.

13. If you always tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

14. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

15. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

16. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

17. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

18. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

19. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

20. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

21. Experience is something you don't get until after you need it.

22. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

23. We are born naked, wet, hungry, and get slapped on the butt...and then things get worse.

24. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

25. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them

Ha Ha

A British company is developing computer chips that store music in women's breast implants.

This is being considered a major break through and will solve a perennial problem. Women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts, and not listening to them.

Who you gonna call?

Who you gonna call?
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

I am trying to teach myself photoshop elements and this is one of my attempts at playing around with the photo.

This is taken in Cambridge on the Market Square.

68 Things you would NEVER know without going to the movies!

1. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
2. All dialled telephone numbers begin with the digits 555
3. Most dogs are immortal
4. If being chased through New York, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick Day parade - at any time of the year
5. All beds have special L shaped top-sheets which reach up to armpit levelon a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her
6. No leading actor involved in a car chase, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock
7. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread
8. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without being seen and without difficulty
9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving
10. A man will show no pain whilst taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds
11. If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition even if you haven’t been carrying any before now
12. You are very likely to survive any battle in any war, unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home
13. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do
14. If you town happens to be threatened by an imminent natural disaster or a killer beast, then the mayor’s first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
15. If a large pane of glass is visible at any point, someone will be thrown through it before long
16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from absolutely any window in Paris
17. Kitchens don’t have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
18. Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.
19. Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames
20. If staying in a haunted house, women should always investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
21. Word processors and computers are always permanently switched on but they never display a cursor on screen. They will always say: “Enter Password Now”
22. Mothers routinely cook eggs and bacon for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it
23. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of Wembley Stadium.
24. The Chief of Police will always suspend his star, maverick detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
25. When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, he or she will never suffer a concussion or brain damage
26. Medieval peasants have perfect teeth
27. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant
28. It is not necessary to say either Hello or Goodbye when beginning or ending telephone conversations
29. Even when driving down a very long, perfectly straight road it is absolutely vital to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right ever few moments and to glance continuously in your rear view mirror.
30. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so that you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
31. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
32. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps
33. Any old fool can land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
34. A detective can only solve a case one he has been suspended from duty
35. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one. To help you in this, they will dance around in a threatening manner until you’ve knocked out all their predecessors
36. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite
37. Any lock can be picked using a paper-clip or credit card in seconds - unless it happens to be a door to a burning building in which a child is trapped.
38. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one
39. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that personally affects the actor watching it at that precise moment
40. An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child
41. When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a banknote- just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare
42. When they are alone, all foreigners speak English to one another
43. If you find yourself caught up in a misunderstanding that could be cleared up quickly with a simple explanation, for goodness sake, keep your mouth shut.
44. A cough usually signals terminal illness.
45. When in love, it is customary to burst into song.
46. When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons
47. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them than 20 men firing at 1 man
48. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization
49. All computer disks will work in all computers, regardless of software
50. You can tell if somebody is British because they will be wearing a bow tie
51. When driving a car it is normal to look not at the road but at the person sitting beside you or in the back seat for the entire journey
52. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement
53. If you are blonde and pretty, it is quite possible to become a world expert in Nuclear Fission at age 22
54. Having a job of any kind will make fathers forget their sons' eighth birthday
55. The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love
56. Creepy music coming from a cemetery should always be investigated more closely
57. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings - especially if any of their family or friends have died in a strange boating accident
58. Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste by their actions
59. People on TV never finish their drinks
60. If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon
61. All single women have a cat
62. If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying, "Hello?, Hello?"
63. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them
64. No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged
65. If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity
66. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape
67. Guns are like disposable razers - if you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always buy a new one
68. Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging

Interesting facts that I learned last night about Cambridge

Kings College
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

I went on a guided history walk last night about the history of Cambridge, from the Roman times to the present. It was excellent, I learn things so much better if someone tells me and I can put it into context than if I try to learn it from a book - darn dyslexia.

Any way I found out a few key dates, which are:

There is evidence of settlements around Cambridge pre Roman times, first major development occured in Roman times circa AD 40

Also settled by Saxons, Normans and Vikings, the latter arrived circa 875 AD

1201 - Cambridge was given its Charter
1209 - Students fled violence in Oxford to Cambridge and formed a University
1284 - First College founded - Peterhouse
1446-1515 - Kings College Chapel built
1845 - Railway arrives in Cambridge
1951 - Cambridge granted City status

I am doing another one of the walks on Thursday night which is looking at the buildings around the centre of town, it is entitled "The Good the Bad and the Ugly" so it should be entertaining.

Any way for those that don't know the picture is of Kings College Chapel which buiding was completed in 1515

Bare faced cheek!!

Shorts
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

This is what happens when students get very drunk celebrating the end of exams and decide to go punting!!

I am trying to teach myself photoshop elements at the moment and I thought that this came out OK.

Man Overboard

Man Overboard
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

Not the recommended way to exit a punt!

Students celebrate the end of exams on the Cam this afternoon.

Fancy Hat

Fancy Hat
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

Tragedy

Tony Blair was visiting a school and was asked by a teacher if he would like to lead the discussion on what constituted a " tragedy", so the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy."

One little boy stood up and offered, "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him,that would be a tragedy.""No," said Blair, "that would be an accident.

"A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 childrendrove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.""I'm afraid not." explained the PM. "That's what we would call a great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered.Blair searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of tragedy?"

Finally, at the back of the room a small boy raised his hand. In a quietvoice he said: "If an aircraft carrying you, Mr.Blair, was struck by a"friendly fire" missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.""Fantastic!" exclaimed Blair. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy, "it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident."

Minne and Ellie

Me and Ellie
Originally uploaded by minniemax.

Minnie, my sisters dog gave us a bit of a scare yesterday when it looked like she had had a stroke and things were looking a bit bleak.

Turns out though that she has had a severe reaction to some antibiotics and the vets are flushing them out of her system as I type and she may be able to go back home today.

Smiles all round. :0)

Granny Grandpa and the Grandkids

Granny Grandpa and the Grandkids
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

Taken I think in 1976 (the year of the great drought )

The t-shirt I am wearing I loved, it had a print of the Jungle Book on the front. Being the 70's it was probably made completly of nylon, so not the best for the very hot summer of '76.

I think that Ray had been stung by a wasp which is why she has a cloth around her foot.

Cambridge - Bikes and Punts

Cambridge - Bikes and Punts
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

There is more to Cambridge than bikes and punts but this seemed to sum up the popular perception of what Cambridge is all about.

7 REASONS NOT TO MESS WITH CHILDREN

1. A little girl: was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher: said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl: stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher: reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl: said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher: asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl: replied, "Then you ask him".

2. A Kindergarten teacher: was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl: replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher: paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."


3. A Sunday school teacher: was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy: (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."


4. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"


5. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."


6. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.

The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

The world we live in!!!!

In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower, spinach, and green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Crème Donuts. And Satan said "You want chocolate with that?" and Man said "Yes!" and Woman said "And while you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said "Try my fresh green salad."

And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said "I have sent you Heart Healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken and fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Cake" and said "It is good"

Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food".

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.


And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonald's and its £1 double cheeseburger, then said "You want fries with that?" And Man replied "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said "It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created the National Health Service.

Face Paint

Face Paint
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

I took this on Saturday on Parkers Piece where the BBC had set up a giant screen for the football.


I like the DOF that I managed especially as I left the camera on automatic as I still have to figure out the settings.

Ho hum back to the books

Dreaming Girls Head

Dreaming Girls Head
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

This was an amazing sculpture, which provided the centre piece for the Garden of Dreams.

You can see all the photos from Chelsea that I took here and photos from me and other people here

Allium

Allium
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

These were everywhere at Chelsea this year.

Poppy in the rain

Poppy in the rain
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

This was taken at the Chelsea Flower Show this year.

The theme of this years show was planting for drought, ironically it poured down every day!!!

The stream at Anglesey Abbey

The stream at Anglesey Abbey
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

I really like this photo, it was taken at Anglesey Abbey, which is just down the road, on a really cold day in March.

I like the fact that I managed to catch the reflection in the water and it seems to be proportioned correctly. This was a complete fluke, no planning went in to it at all.

Important Dept of Transport announcement

Due to the nature of the quality of driving in England the Department of Transport has now devised a new scheme in order to identify poor drivers and give good drivers the opportunity to recognise them whilst driving. For this reason as from the middle of May 2006 where drivers are found to be driving badly which includes: - overtaking in dangerous places: -hovering within one inch of the car in front: - stopping sharply: - speeding in residential areas: - pulling out without indication: - performing U turns inappropr iately in busy high streets: - under taking on motorways and taking up more than one lane in multi lane roads - these drivers will be issued with flags, white with a red cross, signifying their inability to drive properly. These flags must be clipped to a door of the car and be visible to all other drivers and pedestrians. Those drivers who have shown particularly poor driving skills will have to display a flag on each side of the car to indicate their greater lack of skill and general lower intelligence mindset to the general public. Please circulate this to as many other motorists as you can so that drivers and pedestrians will be aware of the meaning of these flags.

Parkers Piece - Football

Parkers Piece
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

I don't really like football, I can take it or leave it but I could not resist popping down to Parkers Piece on Saturday where they were showing the first England match, really to take photos of others who were actually there to watch the football.

The atmosphere was really good, the die hard supporters in the middle and families round the edge. There were volunteers there from the City Council handing out water to the kids at half time and everyone appeared to be having a good time.

It was absoluty roasting hot, with a lot of blokes who looked like lobsters as they had been in full sun for hours, shirtless and cooling themselves down with larger.

Still the CEN report that about 10,000 people showed up. Cambridge'>http://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/news/city/2006/06/12/5a431901-44a5-49f1-b3e8-cec64b959080.lpf

Ban Heavy Petting

Ban Heavy Petting
Originally uploaded by Elfleda.

This picture was taken at Strawberry Fair, an annual event which takes place in Cambridge usually at the beginning of June on Midsummer Common. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strawberry_Fair

I saw this woman, who I think was part of a group promoting the free cinema tent and had to take her photo.